When we stand firmly behind what we know to be a problem in our relationship, we filter the issue through one lens – but how can we know what it is like to truly take the perspective of our partner? How do they understand the problem and how can we begin to see it from their point of view?
When a disagreement arises, it takes a lot of effort to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Not to just pay lip service, but to let go of what you are holding on to so tightly – your version of the story – to build empathy for theirs. To do this, try telling the story of the problem from their perspective.
This exercise may be tough: it does take a bit of humility to start to shift the dynamic from one in which you are on opposing sides, to one in which you vocalize your partner’s pain and know what the consequences are for them. But the results may surprise you: instead of feeling like you are giving in, you actually are breaking down their walls (“Finally, he/she can understand what’s been bugging me!”) and you open the door for them to tell a version of the story that is different than their own, in turn building empathy for your point of view.
When we practice taking one another’s perspective, we are able to learn something about our partner and ourselves, deepening our emotional connection.
Covering Up Our Feelings
